Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
