ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
