i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
