You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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