Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Ketchup is God's man juice
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
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