I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
