We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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