Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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