3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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