If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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