Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Someone shit on the floor
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
