Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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