Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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