YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
