he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
