are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
