No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
you will always have a special place in my vag
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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