just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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