i wish there were pregnant emoticons
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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