She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
