I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize