I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
