You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Vodka?
Forever.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
