Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
