i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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