HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
