party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
