I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
