I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
