My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
