If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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