Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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