i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Ketchup is God's man juice
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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