i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
