told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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