Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
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