The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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