it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize