whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
