By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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