I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
