I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
