I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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