Your face is a jimmy john
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
