More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize