forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
