She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Soap is not a condiment
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Randomize