Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Randomize
