im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
