apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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