If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
