life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
