before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
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