I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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