I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
