i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
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