Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
