i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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