everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
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