it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
