i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
So many bounce houses so little time
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Randomize
