the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
