she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
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