He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
my liver is dry heaving
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
