you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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