I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
