last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
