were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
