Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
